Of course some people have called me a witch. You would call me a witch too, if I looked at you with my one big eye.
Some people have called me Trouble with a Capital T. Some people have called me a Silly Sausage.
Some people have called me a healthy woman because I bathe in horse broth.
Some people have called me but I went la la la la la.
You may call me Uncle Jesse.
Oh hush, don’t cry.
Come unto my lap and I’ll teach you how to be a witch.
What you do is you sneak out and you steal all the coping stones you can find and you lob them in the village pond until the pile is so big you can clamber up and suck the stupid starlings right out of the sky.
Another way is to get up dead early and flash your cunt at the sun. But apparently your wife has been complaining, so I suppose I’ll have to show it to the moon instead.
Another way is for me to just lie here and for you to put honey in me. Don’t worry, God won’t mind. It’s out driving round in a van with loads of twigs in the back. Tell your wife to watch out though. If she comes too close I’ll scrape her toenail polish off with my Aforementioned Teeth.
The fourth way is just a fourth thing.
Never take your eye off the fourth thing.
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