“Lost Souls” [Pictured above] by @sagesolar (CC BY 2.0)
Oh hello! I didn’t see you there! Welcome, welcome to my hot and tasteless heaven. Come on in and make yourself at home.
So my name is Good Bread today, and I’m just milking God into this blue jug. Or else I’m four men, carrying a sheet from this place to The Place That Is Called The Will.
This here is my beautiful wife, Resurrection-of-the-Body. This is the long dog that looks like me. And over here is the palm from which I lap my delicious oats.
Once I found a crocodile round the back of the garages. I snuck it beer and bits of sausage and I taught it how to pray. This is something I would be willing to do for you, if you’d only give me a little something of a similar nature to the things behind nature.
Oh go on, I’ll teach you anyway. How could I say no to that face?
What hand will you have?
High or low?
That’s how you say your prayers.
And yeah I get the visions. Yeah, you could call it that. Some children tying another one to a tree. A horse climbing a hill. A perfect cube of meat.
And oh look, what’s this? Another vision! It’s me in my argyles, snaking up your wisteria.
I’ve decided I’m coming to live in your pantry. Me and my papers and my mouths and my cairn of spit-damp socks. I will peep round the door at your wife.
Maybe you can peep at mine.
Maybe we can all lie down with our noses in the carpet, you and me and our beautiful wives, and we can all try and be very quiet indeed.
I would like that a lot.
Before we go, though, I should tell you some things that will make it all easier on you.
One is that I can wriggle through the earth.
Two is the Good News about my Neverending Teeth.
Three is that if it’s a wet day, I just have vegetables for my tea.
And four is that if you ask God very sweetly, you can have an emerald snake for your heart.
OK great, let’s go.
I love you, but I cannot be stopped.
COME ON IN: CHAPTER II